


Worthless

by ORLPridefan9312



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Depression, Gen, Triggers, World Cup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 14:30:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19747633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ORLPridefan9312/pseuds/ORLPridefan9312
Summary: Depression is one of the least talked about mental illness because many people don't want to trigger the person with depression. Or they simply ignore it. But for Heather Thompson...the depression was slowly starting to eat her alive and with it being a World Cup year, many things started to trigger her depression during the World Cup. But no one on the US women's team knew about it.Yet.





	1. Chapter 1

Depression.

Depression is one of the least talked about mental illness because many people don't want to trigger the person with depression. Or they simply ignore it. But for Heather Thompson...the depression was slowly starting to eat her alive and with it being a World Cup year, many things started to trigger her depression during the World Cup. But no one on the US women's team knew about it.

Yet.

Heather is a 25-year-old midfielder that just ended her year and a half stint with Chelsea and was getting ready to rejoin the Washington Spirit in the NWSL. She left the Spirit after the 2017 season because none of her closes friends were on the team anymore (not to mention that the owner was a pain in the ass). She grabs her bags after flying into San Jose from London and heads to the waiting van to take her to the team hotel. During the car ride, she feels her phone vibrate in her lap and looks down.

From Kaz:  
Made it ok?

From Heat:  
I'm on my way to the team hotel.  
I will see you in England after the send-off series

From Kaz:  
YOU BETTER!

"About damn time you got here." Ashlyn said then wraps Heather into a strong hug inside the hotel.

"Sorry about that. The damn flight took forever and there were at least four crying babies on the flight." Heather said as she hugs her back.

"Go upstairs and change. We're leaving for training in a few." Jill said and Heather heads upstairs. As soon as the elevator door closes, Heather squats down and rubs her face then releases a few deep breaths as she felt a depression trigger starting to make an appearance.

“Not right now. Please.” She whispered to herself. She stands up and grabs her bags then walks to her hotel room.

“What's up with Heat?” Moe asked at dinner that night.

“What do you mean?” Ali asked.

“She's not here for dinner and she kinda seemed out of it in training. Is she tired of the flying?”

“Could be. She did just end her club career at Chelsea since her match was earlier today against Lyon in the Champions League, so it's probably an emotional time for her.”

Up in the hotel room, Heather is curled up in a ball with the pillow around her as she is silently crying, knowing that her depression has shown up, and she's too scared to ask for help from anyone. She also wishes that someone on her team would check to make sure that she was ok.

But no one did.


	2. Chapter 2

Heather tiredly sinks back in the elevator the following and closes her eyes, not realizing that Ali walked into the elevator with Pinoe.

"Jeez, you look like hell, Heat," Pinoe said.

"Jet lag sucks," Heather said softly, not lying, but not the complete truth either since the midfielder barely slept a wink because of her depression. Ali wraps her arms around the midfield and Heather hugs her back.

Ali said to Heather softly, "I didn't get a chance to talk to you yesterday."

"Just going through some stuff, Kriegs. But I'm glad that you're back on the roster."

"Me too. Hey, since the team has the day off, you and I should hang out like we used to do with the Spirit."

"Sure," Heather tentatively said. They get off the elevator and head to the dining hall for breakfast. Heather hears teammates laughing as she makes her usual fruit salad, home fries, egg whites with wheat toast and a glass of lemonade. She sits down next to Ali and starts to eat breakfast.

"You guys came so close to beating Lyon in aggregate," Carli said to Heather.

"What didn't help was me scoring the own goal in the first leg of the match in Lyon," Heather said bitterly as she violently stabs the fruit salad.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Before you put a hole through the table," Ali said, and Heather sighs softly.

"Sorry. I'm just mad at my display in the last few matches for Chelsea," Heather said softly.

"For what it's worth, you played better than you did in 2017 with the Spirit." Heather stiffens and pauses mid-chew.

"I just lost my appetite." Heather gently pushes the plate away, then quietly walks out of the room.

"What was that about?" Lindsey asked.

"I don't know," Carli said as Ali gets up.

"I'll go check on her," the defender said, then walks out of the room.

"Heat?" Ali asked as she steps into the room. She looks over and sees Heather curled up in a ball in the bed.

"You ok sweetie?" Ali asked softly as she lightly sits on the edge of the bed on Heather's side.

"I'm not really in the mood to hang out today, Kriegs," Heather said softly.

"Are you sure?" Heather nods her head.

"Well, I was able to bring your fruit salad." Heather sits up in the bed and takes the bowl from the defender.

"Thank you," Heather said softly.

"You're welcome."

Heather walks into the recovery room the following day and hears her teammates shouting stuff out with Abby recording them with a video camera.

"What the hell is going on in here? I could hear you guys down the hallway," Heather said while chuckling.

"Heater is here!" Abby said with the camera on Heather.

"You are like a zit with the camera, aren't you?" Heather asked.

"No, why?"

"I think she means that it's constantly there," Rose said.

"Anyway, can you guys try to keep it down before security comes up and breaks up this pow-wow?"

"You got it, Heat," Carli said, and Heather walks out of the room and leans against the wall. She rubs her forehead, then strolls back to her room and logs onto her Skype.

"Hello, you," Karen said with a grin as she sees Heather on the screen of her laptop.

"Hello, you. How's camp?" Heather asked her former Chelsea teammate.

"Camp is camp. How's yours going?"

"Eh."

"I know that look. What is it?" Heather sighs and rubs her face.

"Ok, you are going to think I'm nuts. Well, I'm already nuts, according to you," Heather said, and Karen giggles.

"That is true," Karen said, and her smile slowly falls when she sees the serious look on her friends face.

"Heather? What's wrong?" Karen asked, concerned about her friend.

"I'm struggling, Kaz. I suffer from depression, and I feel worthless like I don't belong here," Heather said softly.

"Belong at camp or belong on Earth?"

"Both."

"Why didn't you tell me or ask for help from someone on the team?"

"Kaz, you know me, and you know how people experiencing depression don't ask for help."

"I know, but I need my best mate around," Karen said.

"You have a few best mates with your teammates for the Lioness squad."

"But none of them are American and played alongside me in the midfield." Heather feels the tears building up in her eyes and places her hands on her head.

"I'm trying so hard," Heather said with her voice breaking.

"I know. Depression is a funny thing. I suffered from it and still do from time to time," Karen said quietly, hoping to soothe her friend.

"Kaz, we got dinner," Heather hears Lucy say from the door.

"Can you give me a mo?" Karen asked Lucy when she sees the defender standing in front of her.

"Yeah sure," Lucy said. Karen looks back at her computer to see that Heather ended the video call and signed off from Skype. She sighs softly, then closes her laptop.

Back in San Jose, Heather lays down on her bed and covers herself with her Ravens throw blanket. The door opens, and Heather glances over to see Ali and Ashlyn walking into the room.

"Still in bed? I figured you would be enjoying the day." Ashlyn said.

"No," Heather spoke softly, then looks at them and reads the expression on their faces.

"Don't mind me. I'll get out of the room so you two can do whatever the hell you want in here," Heather said with anger in her tone at them, then walks out of the room.


	3. Chapter 3

The team walks on eggshells around Heather as her mood swings have become intolerable for the team throughout the send-off series. When they finally get to England for the ten-day training, Heather is in a vegan restaurant in London, away from the team, and hanging out with Karen, Carly Telford, Millie Bright, and Fran Kirby before the World Cup starts and before Heather moves back to Maryland full-time.

“Seriously though, you two act like you're dating each other,” Fran said to Karen and Heather after they have dessert.

“She's my best mate and I'm going to miss her,” Karen said as Heather looks at her.

“I'm going to miss you too. I'm going to miss all of you, but it's time for me to head back home and promote the game.” Heather said with her hand on Karen's knee.

“Anyway, you guys have to get back to camp and so do I,” Heather said. She pays for their meals and they head out to their vehicles. The Lioness players walk to their car as Heather walks to hers and unlocks hers.

“Wait a mo.” She hears and looks over to see Karen walking over.

“What?” Heather said then Karen holds her hand, stands on her tiptoes, and kisses Heather's cheek affectionately.

“I'm proud of you for coming out tonight,” Karen said softly.

“I wouldn't be anywhere else. You should go before you get into trouble.” Heather watches Karen walk away and slowly smiles. She gets into the car and heads to her team camp.

“What the hell is up with Thompson?” Pinoe asked, not realizing that Heather is near the door.

“No idea,” Carli said.

“Well, she needs to get her shit together before it affects the team and we don't win the World Cup,” Alex said.

“Too bad we can't kick her off the team,” Lindsey said and the team looks at each other.

“Can we?” Sam suggested.

“No,” Carli stated.

“But --”

“Do you guys really want me off the team that badly?” They hear and look over to see Heather standing at the door with unshed tears in her eyes.

“Crap. Heat --” Heather walks away from the group. Ali, Ashlyn, Carli, Kelley, Julie, and Becky smack Lindsey and Sam upside their heads. Ali stands up and rushes out of the room after the midfielder.

“Heather,” Ali said, catching up the midfielder in the elevator.

“You guys don't know what I'm going through right now,” Heather said. Ali knew why Heather was behaving this way.

“You're suffering from depression.” Heather nods and wipes away a tear from her face.

“I should have known you were. The mood swings, insomnia.”

“I don't want anyone to know. Please.”

"I won't say a word. Does Karen know?"

"She knows and is trying to help me through it. But there's only so much she can do."

“How can I help?” Ali asked after they step into Heather's room.

“The only thing you can do is make sure that I don't kill myself since I'm near that point.”

“You weren't like this when I was on the Spirit,” Ali said softly.

“No, but think back to what happened on the Spirit.” Ali ponders for a moment then remembers the NWSL championship game in 2016 against Western New York.

“The championship game. Everyone started attacking you on social media. Heat, you shouldn't have taken the criticism to heart.”

“It wasn't only the championship game. It was criticism during the Rio Olympics and what Hope said about me in the media after we lost to Sweden on penalty kicks. I don't take criticism lightly and I don't have a thick skin. Why do you think I ran away to Chelsea and restarted my career with the Blues? The media puts me at the bottom of the list for best players on the national team. The bottom! I'm ten times better than Long! And do you know who said I shouldn't be on the team? Hope Solo for BBC Sports.” Ali places her hands on Heather's upper arms and looks at her. Heather looks at her and sees the determination in her friend's face.

“Listen to me. You go out there every training and prove to Jill why you deserve a roster spot over Sam. You and Rose in the midfield, as teammates for Washington, would be unstoppable.” Ali said.

“Are you sure?” Heather asked with skepticism in her tone.

“Yes, I'm sure. Then you and I are going to work on getting your skin a little bit thicker, ok?” Heather nods and releases a tear. Ali wipes it away and hugs her.

At training the following day, a fire starts burning inside of Heather and she's pulling all kinds of tricks on her teammates on the pitch and scoring on every chance she gets. She volleys the ball up to herself and bicycle kicks the ball, whipping it past Alyssa into the back of the net from the upper ninety. She gets up and high fives Ali.

“That is how you end training,” Ali said as they take off their cleats.

“I don't know what came over me today,” Heather said as she puts on her Nike sandals and places her cleats into her strap bag.

“Whatever it was, use it in France,” Jill said and Heather looks at the head coach, not realizing that she was standing there.

“I was really impressed, Thompson. Normally, I don't call in players that play overseas, but talking to Emma Hayes and seeing you play for Chelsea alongside Karen Carney, I knew it would be a mistake to keep you off the roster. Don't let me down.” Jill finished.

“I won't,” Heather said with confidence in her voice.

Let's just hope the darkness that I'm going through doesn't screw us over. Heather thought to herself.


	4. Chapter 4

The group stages were a breeze for the USWNT. On the pitch, but off? Either the over celebrations, how Alyssa has huge shoes to fill with Hope gone, but the biggest one was still about Heather being called up to the national team. She's been working her tail off each training session, but the Thailand and Chile matches, she was a sub, but for the match against Sweden? She was on the bench the entire match.

“I'm worried about Heather,” Ali said softly as she and Ashlyn are in their room.

“Is everything ok with her?” Ashlyn asked, and Ali sighs.

“She promised me to not tell anyone, but she's been suffering from depression.” Ashlyn looks at her.

“Please tell me she hasn't tried to kill herself.”

“No, but she's near that point and the media and our teammates aren't helping.”

“Neither is Jill. Son of a bitch.”

“She also might be gay, and might be in love with Karen Carney.”

“I figured she might be on our side of the sexual orientation.”

“Babe, please don't tell anyone. I already broke the promise when I told you.” Ali pleaded.

“I won't,” Ashlyn said, then kisses her forehead.

“You have got to show Jill what you can do,” Karen said on Skype to Heather.

“You don't think I've been working my ass off? I run around in circles against my teammates and no one gives a rats ass. When I'm on the pitch during the match, no one gives me the ball, and I get called out by the coaching staff and the media.” Heather said.

“I know. I didn't mean to attack you on it, Heat.”

“That night that I went out to dinner with you and the girls in London? The team had a meeting about kicking me off the team.”

“The final decision's Jill's. Not theirs.”

“Well, with Alex and Pinoe being the voices of the team, they have an influence. I don't know how much longer I can take it, Kaz. They say we're a tight-knit team to the media, but guess what? While the team is doing whatever they want on our day off, I'm in the hotel room.”

“Your parents didn't fly out?” Karen asked, and Heather shakes her head no.

“Too busy, they said,” Heather said softly.

“Too busy to see their daughter in the World Cup for the third time?”

“It is what it is, Kaz.” Heather hears the door opening and sees Alex walking into the room and into the bathroom. Heather puts in her headphones and leans back on her bed.

“My roommate is back,” Heather said softly.

“Maybe you can have some fun,” Karen said.

“It's Alex.”

“Never mind. I hate seeing you like this, Heat.”

“I wish you were here to make me feel better.” Alex walks out of the bathroom and gets Heather's attention. Heather removes one earbud and looks at her.

“What?” Heather asked.

“We have a team dinner in ten minutes,” Alex said.

“Is it mandatory?”

“Go to dinner,” Karen said.

“Yes,” Alex said.

“Fine. I'll be there in five.” Heather said and Alex walks out of the room.

“I need a vacation from this World Cup vacation,” Heather said.

“Go to dinner and call me on here afterward,” Karen said.

“I will.”

“Heat?” Heather looks at her.

“I love you. Remember that.” Heather softly smiles.

“I love you too, Kaz. Bye.” Heather ends the call, then closes her laptop. She quietly sighs then gets up and walks out of the room.

“Hey, Heather,” Ali said as she and Ashlyn walk over to the midfielder, who is texting with Karen.

“Hi,” Heather said and Ashlyn pulls her into a hug, surprising the midfielder.

“Hmph. What's with the hug?” Heather asked in Ashlyn's shoulder as she taps her back three times, and the goalkeeper looks at her.

“Ali told me,” Ashlyn said softly.

“Blabbermouth,” Heather said to Ali.

“It wasn't her fault. She was worried about you. I've been worried about you.”

“Please don't tell the rest of the team, ok?”

“I won't.” They arrive at dinner and sit with each other with Ali and Ashlyn sitting on either side of Heather.

“Alright, since we're all here, we can get started game-planning against Spain,” Jill said during the dinner and the team looks over at the screen.

“Our usual 4-3-3 formation with Pinoe, Alex and Tobs up top. Sam, Jules, and Rose in the midfield, and our backline of Kel, Abby, Becky, and Dunny. The subs for the match will be Christen, Carli, and Lindsey.” Heather places her chin in her hands and quietly sighs as Ali squeezes her shoulder.

“If she's not going to play me then why the hell call me up to the squad?” Heather asked as she is pacing in her hotel room with Ali and Ashlyn sitting on her bed.

“You have to relax. Jill is probably looking at the advantage of winning,” Ashlyn said and Heather stops pacing.

“This isn't fair,” Heather said softly.

“I know.” Ali pulls Heather onto the bed, and the midfielder sits in the middle of them. Heather's phone starts ringing from the end table and she knew that it was her brother, Jack, calling. She walks over to her phone and answers the call.

“Hey, Jack,” Heather said.

“Heat. Glad I caught you before you went to sleep.” He said.

“What's going on?”

“I shouldn't be calling you about this. Mom didn't want me to call you about this.”

“You're freaking me out, dude.”

“Dad had a stroke.” Heather sits on her bed and rubs her forehead.

“How is he?” She asked softly.

“He's brain dead.” She lowers her head and feels the tears fill up in her eyes.

Jill rubs her face and leans back in her chair in the hotel room after Heather told her what was going on with her Dad.

“Do you want to go back to the US?” She asked softly.

“Just to say goodbye to him,” Heather said softly.

“Next knockout match, should we play in it, I'm having you start in honor of your Dad.”

“Can you just say that I had a family emergency and that I will be back?”

“I will.”

“Heather Thompson is not at the match. She had to take a red-eye home to Maryland for a family emergency, which we found out that her father passed away early this morning after suffering a stroke two days ago. Jill Ellis wouldn't comment on the matter, but instead, she said that Heather will be back with the team should the US advance to the quarterfinals.” Rob Stone said on TV.

“Who the hell gave out that information?” Heather asked in her childhood home as she watches pregame.

“Probably someone at the hospital. Damn nurses that need money.” Jack said. He hands his sister a Gatorade, then sits next to her on the couch.

“I heard you're moving back here for good.” He said, then looks at his sister.

“Yeah. The midfield needs help for the Spirit.” She said.

“But I also heard that you may be traded once the World Cup is over.” She sighs as sinks back onto the couch.

“Probably to Orlando since they need help in the midfield and I know Marc Skinner from playing against him. Let's just wait and see what happens after the World Cup.”

“One thing for sure, the media doesn't like you being on the national team,” Jack said as they hear the media bashing Heather again on TV.

“Neither do many of my teammates.” She said softly, then takes a sip of her Gatorade.


	5. Chapter 5

“Why are you going back to France? Surely, they can replace you on the team.” Lisa said to her daughter as Heather gets her stuff into the back of the car, an hour after the funeral.

“They can't replace me, Mom because it's the quarterfinals and it's too late to replace a player. Besides, the team needs help preparing for France. I know about the French team since I played against a lot of them with Chelsea.” Heather said as Jack places his stuff into the back of the car to join his sister in France.

“Besides, this might be my last World Cup anyway, so I want to enjoy it.” Heather finished.

Around midnight, Heather quietly walks into her hotel room and sees her roommate awake on the bed.

“I figured you would be sleeping.” Heather said softly to Christen.

“I wanted to make sure you got in ok.” Christen said then hugs Heather. The midfielder hugs her back then they pull out of the hug.

“How are you doing?” Christen asked as Heather gets her pajamas.

“Still surreal that I'm never going to see my Dad again. Must be the same way for you with your Mom.”

“Yeah. But know that you have people on your side.”

“Like who? You, Tobin, Ashlyn, Ali and Carli?”

“More like the entire team.” Heather looks at her with disbelief.

“You mean the same team that tried to have me replaced with Moe?” Heather asked as she walks into the bathroom to change.

“Ali told us why you've been acting the way you've been acting.” Heather sighs.

“I can't tell her another secret.”

“Depression is something that everyone deals with and now that you're also grieving the loss of your Dad, it's a slippery slope.” Heather walks out of the bathroom.

“I know it's a slippery slope. I've been dealing with depression since losing the NWSL championship game to Western New York, who are now North Carolina. The fact of the matter is that the media will not get off my freaking back about being called up to the national team after I spent a year and a half with Chelsea. HAO isn't defending me and don't get me started on Solo since she's the biggest pain in the ass of them all.”

“Did you watch Alex's interview with Fox?” Christen asked.

“No because I was at my Dad's funeral.” Christen shows Heather the interview and Heather listens as Alex defended Heather.

“Heather outplays us every single training and she pushes all of us to be better, including Jill and I'm willing to give up my starting position for her to start against France, just so she can show off what she's been working on.” Alex said.

“So, all of this stuff in the media --”

“Is a bunch of bull crap that was started by Hope Solo after the Rio Olympics. Heather's burying her Dad today and she's flying back after the funeral. She needs support, not having the media come after her for being lazy, when in fact, she's not and my teammates and I are at fault for not giving Heather a chance on the field.”

Heather hands the tablet to Christen and sighs as she places her hands on her hips.

“Karen also defended you. Along with members of other teams still in the competition, including France.” Christen said softly.

“I will talk to the team tomorrow. Right now, I'm exhausted.” Heather said softly.

At breakfast a few hours later, Heather is eating breakfast first and texting with Karen when Ali and Ashlyn walk into the room.

“You're back.” Ali said.

“I told you guys I would be back.” Heather said then looks at them. She stands up and hugs them.

“You doing ok?” Ashlyn asked.

“A little bit. I just need to focus on France.”

“Have you talked to Jill?”

“Yeah. I'm starting against the French squad since I played against most of them in the Champions League when we played against PSG and Lyon.” Some of their teammates walk into the room and hug Heather.

Heather walks into the locker room and sees her uniform hanging up, but the big banner against her jersey. She changes into her warm up clothes and heads out to the pitch. Jack is in the family section of the stands when Karen joins him.

“Hey! What are you doing here?” He asked as they hug.

“Wanted to surprise Heather since I heard she's starting. How is she doing?” She asked.

“She stayed quiet the entire flight back here and talking to Christen and Ali, Heather isn't doing great.”

“And that worries me.”

Heather helps Alex up when her teammate gets taken down by her head and she looks at Jill.

“Johnson, take the free kick!” Jill called out and Heather nods. She sets the ball down and backs up as the ref sets the players up on the field. She closes her eyes and releases a deep breath then slowly opens her eyes, ignoring the crowd and blocking out the noise as Karen is on her feet next to Jack as they watch. She hears the familiar whistle being blown and she kicks the ball and watches it pass everyone...

Into the back of the net.

Heather sprints to the corner and does the Ronaldo celebration and her teammates tackle her into a hug. Alex helps her up and they jog to the center circle. In the 82 minute and scoring once and having an assist to Pinoe, Heather sees her number in red and jogs over to the sideline. She puts the captain's armband on Carli, hugs her, then walks to the US bench.

“Heather!” She looks up and Jack points to Karen, who waves. Heather slowly smiles and single wave back, then sits on the bench next to Ali.

“Nice job, sis.” Jack said after the match and they tightly hug after the midfielder walked over after the team huddle.

“We're facing each other.” Karen said then wipes a tear from Heather's face.

“Yay.” Heather said.

“When was the last time the host nation won the tournament?” Jack asked as Karen has her hands on Heather's shoulders.

“1999 when we hosted it. Don't you remember when Dad got me tickets to the final as an early birthday present?”

“Oh yeah and I was pissed off because I thought Dad was favoring you.”

“He was. I'm glad you made it.”

“No sweat. I don't start training camp until late July anyway.”

“For what?” Karen asked.

“Jack plays wide receiver for the Dolphins. Good luck winning the division.” Heather said.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Jack said.

“I gotta go change and shower. I'll see you at the match.” Heather said softly to Karen then kisses her forehead tenderly. Karen watches the siblings hug again then Heather walks away.

“Ok, seriously. You need to ask her out.” Jack said to Karen.

“I'm sorry?” Karen asked.

“She really likes you and whenever she's around you or talks about you, her entire face lights up like a kid on Christmas morning. Not to mention that you two lived together for a year and a half.”

"Except when I tell her that I'm retiring after the World Cup, I don't know who would be more heartbroken. Heather or me."


	6. Chapter 6

“Hiya.” Karen said when she walks over to Heather on the pitch, over an hour before the match between the US and England. The American midfielder lifts up her former teammate in a hug by the back of the legs and Karen tightly hugs her back.

“I've missed you.” Heather said softly as Karen's hands are on Heather's upper arms and Heather's hands are on Karen's sides.

“I've missed you. Are you playing?”

“Second half. You?” Karen shakes her head no.

“Well, when we win, blame Phil for that.” Karen laughs and Heather slowly smiles. Ali watches their interaction and slowly smile.

“Listen, there's something that I need to tell you.” Karen said softly.

“What?” Heather asked as her smile slowly falls when she sees the serious expression on Karen's face.

“I'm retiring from club and country after the World Cup. Either the final or the third place match will be my last football match.” Heather backs up.

“How long have you known?”

“Right before you joined Chelsea, but I told Emma after the SheBelieves Cup of this year.” Karen said.

“And you choose before our match to tell me this.”

“I was going to tell you after the match, but --”

“But you didn't. I'll see you after the match, Kaz.” Heather said then walks to the locker room. Karen sighs and rubs her face.

“She hates me now.” Karen said.

“Don't worry about it. Just let her calm down and talk to her after the match.” Carly said.

Heather has the ball at her feet on the pitch in the second half and looks up to find an open player when Millie takes her out by the ankle. She rolls a few times and stops near the English bench as she holds her ankle. She locks eyes with Karen, who is on the bench and standing up. Karen holds out her hand and Heather takes it, standing up to a roar of cheering. She looks over at Millie, who is shown the red card. Heather waves off her former teammate as she limp trots to the US side of the pitch to get her ankle taped up.

“Jesus fucking Christ. It was like she was literally taking me out.” Heather said to Jill.

“Don't worry about it. Just focus on getting the win and us to the final.” Jill said as Heather squirts her Gatorade into her mouth that Ali handed her. The midfielder hands the drink to the defender and stands up. She fixes her cleat then stands next to the fourth official as she waits to go back into the game. During VAR, Heather squats down, knowing that the foul was against her inside the box. She traces out in a zone with fire in her eyes when Alyssa walks over and taps her shoulder.

“Shake it off, Heat. We got a match to win.” Alyssa said and Heather stands up and looks at the goalkeeper then leans into her ear.

“Steph goes short left.” Heather said in her ear and Alyssa looks at her.

“Trust me.” Heather said and they double fist bump as the PK is called. Heather jogs over to the ref and she's shown a yellow card.

The final whistle blows and the US is heading to the final on the 2-1 victory. As the team celebrates Alyssa's PK save and the win, Heather sits on the pitch and covers her face with the bottom of her jersey as she tries so hard not to show her emotions about everything that has happened the last three matches. Karen walks over to her, gets on her knees and scratches the back of Heather's head to calm her down. Heather's jersey falls and Karen places her forehead against Heather's.

“I don't know how you can leave this.” Heather said softly then looks at her.

“It's time, Heat.” Karen said softly. Heather stands up and pulls Karen onto her feet then takes off her jersey. Karen takes off the penny and jacket then takes off her jersey and they exchange jerseys then Heather lifts her up in a hug, both of them feeling the tears in their eyes.

After the team huddles, Heather looks over at Karen on the pitch and sees her hugging her teammates. Fran walks over and they tightly hug.

“I am really sorry, mate.” Millie said to Heather.

“Heat of the moment.” Heather said then tightly hugs her, then tightly hugs Carly.

Heather puts on her tank top and pajama shorts when there's a knock on the door to her hotel room. She walks to the door and opens it to reveal Karen.

“Kaz. What are you --” Karen pushes Heather into the room with her lips against Heather's.

“Please.” Karen whispered.

“What?” Heather whispered back.

“Make me yours tonight.” Heather locks the hotel room door, then lifts Karen up by the back of the legs and carries her to the bed as they kiss. They would spend the night, discovering each others bodies.

Around six in the morning, Heather kisses Karen's shoulder as the English midfielder is getting dressed. Once her shirt was on, Karen looks at Heather and kisses her tenderly.

“What are we?” Heather asked softly.

“I don't know. But I do know is that I am dead once I get back to my hotel. It was worth it.” Karen said softly then kisses her again, gets up and heads out. Heather lays back down on her bed and rubs her face with a soft sigh when she feels something under her pillow and looks at it.

_Focus on the ultimate goal_  
_Get rid of the media in your mind_  
_I will be at the match on Sunday_  
_Kaz_


	7. Chapter 7

Heather puts on her cleats at her locker after warm-ups for the final against the Netherlands. The media has been getting worse and worse against her, and she tries so hard to block out the media, but it's easier said than done. Not to mention that everyone in the media loves everyone on the team, but Heather. Pinoe drives Heather crazy, and Heather also can't stand Alex Freaking Morgan.

As she is facing her locker with her uniform on, Kelley looks over at the midfielder and squeezes her shoulder, making Heather glances at her.

“You OK?” Kelley asked softly as Abby looks over as well.

“I just wish the wonder twins would stop speaking on behalf of the team,” Heather said softly.

“The wonder twins?”

“I think she means Alex and Pinoe,” Abby said softly. Heather taps her nose twice, indicating that Abby was right.

“They mean well for the team,” Kelley said softly.

“Well, they didn't ask me if I would be OK about going to Congress. They just accepted it for the rest of the team. They should just keep their traps shut.” Heather snapped. She gets up and walks to the bench.

"What the hell is up in her ass?" Allie Long asked.

"Just leave her alone, Long, and I mean it," Ali said in a warning tone, then follows Heather with Ashlyn.

"What did I do?"

"Just leave it, Long," Christen said, then walks to the bench.

During the second half, Heather adjusts her socks as she is standing next to the fourth official to go into the match. Karen is in the stands next to Jack and sees Heather jog onto the pitch after the captain's armband is placed on her arm. When Carli comes into the game, Heather takes off the armband and puts it on Carli's arm.

"What's this lineup?" Jack asked.

"Defensive. With just Alex up top and Carli and Heather into the game, they're going to be holding the shutout. It's a five-four-one with Julie dropping back to the defense and Heather taking over her role in the center midfield with Carli. It's smart." Karen said.

"Speaking of Heather. How did she take the retirement news?"

"Not well. I went to her hotel room that night, and we spent the night together." Jack looks at her, and his eyebrows go up, realizing where this conversation was possibly going.

"As in..." She nods.

"She called me after my match yesterday to congratulate me again on my retirement, but I could tell that she's still struggling with it. Or she's struggling with the media more." She said.

"Or both." He suggested.

As the team is celebrating the victory in the locker room, Heather walks out to the hallway and sits on the ground with her gold medal around her neck. She places her chin on her forearms, figuring out her future in her head.

"There you are," Ali said as she sits next to Heather.

"I'm not in the celebrating mood," Heather said softly.

"You OK?"

"Found out that I was traded from the Spirit to Orlando."

"Hey. We get to be teammates again."

"Yeah." She whispered.

That night, Jack squeezes his sister's shoulder at the after-party at the team hotel as the team is up ahead of them.

"Did I forget anyone?" Alex asked as she was thanking the team individually, and Heather's name isn't mentioned.

"Yeah. Me," Heather whispered. A short time later, Heather places her empty beer bottle onto the counter and looks at Karen.

"Do you want to come upstairs, so we can talk?" Karen asked. Heather nods then they head out.

“Your sister alright?” Zach asked Jack.

“I wish I knew,” Jack said as he watches Heather and Karen walk away from the party.

“Jules is worried about her.”

“Just wish the rest of the team was worried about her as well."

“Alex defended her.”

“That was a fluke. You know how NFL players get as well. Especially Mayfield and Beckham."

"And Brown," Zach added in.

"He's the worst,"

Heather unlocks the door to her hotel room and walks inside the room with Karen right behind her.

“My roommate is a slob,” Heather said.

“So was mine for Chelsea.” Karen joked.

“Hey! That was me,” Karen chuckles as they sit on Heather's bed.

“I know. Heat --”

“I know what you are going to say. The other night was a one-night stand,” Heather said softly and glances away from her.

“We live in two different countries. You're in Maryland and --”

“Orlando. The Spirit traded me to Orlando for a third-round pick.”

“They traded you during the tournament? That is low.”

“That's the life of a pro athlete.”

“Heather,” Karen turns Heather's head and looks at her and sees the sadness in her face and eyes.

“I want to be with you, but I don't know if I can make it work,” Karen said softly. Heather stands up and stares out the window of the hotel room.

“Did you know that I was originally named captain in 2016 with Carli?” Heather asked without looking at her former teammate.

“No,” Karen said.

“Last year, Jill removed me of being captain because I wasn't a vocal leader, according to her, Alex fucking Morgan and Megan “I will be the voice of the national team without talking to my teammates” Rapinoe. I lose my captaincy, I lost my confidence because of my teammates and the media, I lost my Dad and now before we even go on a date, I lose you. I'm sick and tired of losing everything.” Heather sighs and massages her forehead.

“You should go,” Heather said softly.

“Are you going to be ok?” Karen asked.

“Yeah.” Heather looks at her and kisses her forehead tenderly as tears fill up in Karen's eyes. The former England midfielder quietly walks out of the room as the American midfielder sits on her bed.

After spending Monday, Tuesday, and the morning of Wednesday in New York to celebrate the victory, Heather sees her teammates with their spouses or significant others at the ESPY Awards, and she leans back in her seat, missing Karen like crazy. During a commercial break, Heather gets up to go to the bathroom, but she doesn't go to the bathroom. Instead, she heads to the hotel, changes, and grabs something from her suitcase.

Alyssa turns around to talk to Heather but doesn't see her sitting in the chair, and looks at Ali.

“Where's Heather?” Alyssa asked.

“I don't know. She was just here ten minutes ago.” Ali said then grabs her phone and sees a text from Heather.

From Heat:  
Tell the team I'm sorry

From Ali:  
Sorry for what?

From Heat:  
Kriegs, I can't do it anymore

From Ali:  
Heat...you better not be doing  
what I think you're going to do

Ali gets up and Ashlyn watches then gets up as well with Kyle. The defender tries to call Heather as they rush out of the venue.

“Something's going on,” Christen said softly.

“Heather, where are you?” Ali asked on the phone when Heather picks up the phone.

“At the hotel,” Heather said softly.

“Just stay awake. I'm on my way with Ashlyn and Kyle.” Ali hangs up her phone, hikes up her dress and goes across the street to the hotel. She takes off her heels in the hotel elevator and hands them to Ashlyn.

“What's going on?” Kyle asked.

“Hopefully, nothing,” Ali said then starts sprinting to the hotel room in her gorgeous dress. She unlocks the door and catches Heather as the midfielder collapses.

“CALL 911!” Ali yelled and Kyle starts CPR as Ashlyn calls 911 and looks at the bottle.

“She took sleeping pills. I don't know how many were in the bottle or how many she took.” Ashlyn said on the phone.

The entire team is in the waiting room of the hospital, waiting on the news about Heather. Some of them are crying, others are stunned.

“She's going to make a full recovery after pumping out her stomach for the drugs. But...we will have to keep her in a psychiatric hold for at least 72 hours. She will have to go on anti-depressants and not play soccer the rest of the year, just to calm her emotional state right now. Is there someone that you can call to see if her reaction changes?” The doctor asked Lisa and Jack.

“Her best friend, Karen. She lives in England, and they were roommates for a year and a half. Sometimes, I thought they were dating. I don't have her number.” Lisa said. The team looks at each other, not realizing that Heather was gay.

“I have her number. I'll call her.” Carli said.

“Thank you, Carli.”

Karen is sound asleep in her bed in her apartment when she hears her phone ringing. Tiredly, she reaches over and answers the phone without looking at the caller ID.

“Hiya,” Karen said tiredly.

“Karen, it's Carli Lloyd. I'm sorry for calling so late for your time, I need you to get on a plane to LA.”

“Why? What's happened?”

“Heather tried to kill herself tonight.”


	8. Chapter 8

Karen walks through LAX tiredly when she sees Jack waiting for her. He takes her bags and they head to the hospital.

“How the hell did she get a hold of sleeping pills?” Karen asked on the way to the hospital.

“We stopped at the drug store on the way to the airport. She must have bought them and hid them in her suitcase. I'm supposed to report to training camp in two weeks.” Jack said.

“Did they say how long she won't play?”

“They don't want her to play the rest of the year.”

“This is her teammates and coaches fault. Along with the media.”

Heather, wearing hospital provided clothes, looks out the window of the hospital in her hospital room with her legs up to her chest, realizing that she made the stupidest decision in her life for the overdose attempt. She looks over when she hears a knock on the open door and sees Karen standing there and stands up.

“I um...” Karen walks over and hugs her. Heather slowly hugs Karen and once realizing that she was hugging the real Karen, she hugs her tightly.

“I'm so sorry, Kaz.” Heather said with tears in her eyes. Karen cups her cheeks and looks at her. Heather doesn't see disappointment in her eyes. She sees love and compassion.

“Don't.” Karen whispered and kisses her lips a few times, then they tightly hug each other again.

“That is her anti-depressant.” Jack said softly to the doctor.

“I'll be damned. Her entire mood changed with just one person.” He said softly as Heather sits in the chair with Karen in her lap.

“Does this mean we're together?” Heather asked then kisses her jaw.

“Yes and you are coming with me. Once we get you released.” Karen said softly

“Any chance that my sister can be discharged from here?” Jack asked the doctor as Karen walks over.

“Only if she can stay with someone.” The doctor said.

“She will be with me in Chicago, Orlando then in England.” Karen said.

“OK. I will release her into your care.”

kazcarney: Look who's out of the hospital

The picture is of Heather relaxing in the private plane.

carlilloyd: I NEED TO SEE HER IN PERSON!

As Heather is in the shower, Karen looks inside Heather's bags and grabs all the pills in the bags and looks at them and keeps them in her own bags. When Heather is sleeping, without the medication, Karen flushes the medication down the toilet.

A week later, Heather walks into the Pride locker room at the stadium and hugs her teammates. Her eyes land on Ali and tightly hugs her as Ashlyn joins in on the hug.

“I'm so sorry.” Heather said softly as she pulls out of the hug and the goalkeeper wipes away the midfielder's tears.

“You look better than you did two weeks ago.” Ali said softly.

“So, can you play this season?” Ashlyn asked and Heather shakes her head no.

“Blame Alex for it. Along with our so called teammates for the national team. They're the reason why I almost died from an overdose.” Heather walks out of the room and runs into Alex.

“Hey. I'm --”

“Save it. The captaincy is officially yours, Benedict Arnold.” Heather said then starts to walk away.

“Heather, I came to apologize to you.” Alex said and Heather whips around and looks at her as Ashlyn and Ali keep an eye on them after walking out of the locker room.

“Apologize? From day one, you hated my guts. I've been on the national team since I was seventeen years old and I was going to be the next Julie Foudy or Heather O'Reilly. Instead, I became a nobody and everyone hates me because of it. They wanted Morgan Brian more than they wanted me and she hasn't been with the team since Rio because of injuries. So you can take your apology and shove it up your ass. Congratulations Alex. You won. Oh and by the way? Don't you ever speak on my behalf again. Tell that to Rapinoe as well and I will not be with the national team when you guys visit Congress.” Heather walks away from her.

“I tried apologizing.” Alex said to Ali and Ashlyn.

“I don't think apologizing will bring her back to the team.” Ali said then walks to the field with Ashlyn following her, leaving the forward by herself to think.

**SEPTEMBER**

_“After months of speculation, US women's football player Heather Thompson has announced her retirement from soccer, effective immediately. This comes at the heel of her suicide attempt and --”_ Heather turns off the TV in hers and Karen's home and sighs. She stands up and walks to the kitchen to start making dinner since Karen's working with BBC Sport and Heather has turned a 180 since her suicide attempt and is extremely happy now that she's away from soccer. As she is mixing the ingredients for the salad, Karen walks into the apartment.

“Hiya.” Karen said.

“Hi.” Heather said as Karen walks over. They kiss then Heather continues to make a salad.

“So, what I'm going to do, since you are vegan, is that the salad is done, but with mine, I will put in the chicken, cheese and boiled egg into my bowl.” Heather said then kisses her head.

“No problem. Let me change.” Karen said then walks to the bedroom.

“So, how did your former teammates take the retirement news?” Karen asked as she is changing.

“Some were just concerned about my health after the announcement came out, others were just happy that I'm leaving the team.” Heather said as Karen, wearing Heather's North Carolina shirt and her own sweatpants, walks back to the kitchen.

“But this move is something that you needed to do for your overall health.”

“I know. Jack's supporting me with the move. I told Emma the move.”

“And?”

“She's offering me a job with the women's team as assistant coach. I told her that I need some time before making a coaching decision and she told me to give me a few months, or January, to decide and talk it over with you.” Heather said as her phone is ringing. She looks at it then answers the call.

“Hello?” She asked as she hands Karen her bowl.

“Hey Kate, what's up?...Why would I coach the team that nearly killed me?” She asked and Karen looks over.

“I'm in England right now, got back into the swing of things here. I thought you had your eye on Laura anyway?...I figured. I'm going to the FIFA Awards on Monday, so if you want to fly out here to talk about this in person, by all means, but I won't have an answer for you...Alright, bye.” Heather hangs up the phone and sighs.

“Now I have two coaching job offers. One with Chelsea and the other that half of the team hates me.” Heather said.


	9. Chapter 9

Heather looks at the contract in her Milan hotel room, the morning of the FIFA Awards, as she presenting the Best Women's Coach Award. Kate Markgraf is in the chair in the hotel room and Heather quietly sighs.

“You do realize that I have another coaching offer?” She asked the older woman.

“I do. You are one of my top choices and I know that the team is why you retired at 26.” Kate said.

“You don't have to make a decision right now, babe. We can talk this over and figure out a plan.” Karen said.

“Except I already made up my mind. Kate, thank you for the offer, but I'm going to have to decline. I've already accepted the coaching position with Chelsea.” Heather said then hands the contract to the USWNT GM.

“ _Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, two-time World Cup champion, Heather Thompson.”_ The PA announcer said and Heather, wearing a dark blue dress, walks out to the stage to a standing ovation.

“Coaches are a vital part of a winning formula for a team, but also have the hardest job to keep 23 players happy, especially in a World Cup year. History was made earlier this summer when US women's head coach, Jill Ellis, became the first head coach to lead the US team to back to back World Cup titles, the second team to do so behind Germany in women's World Cup history, and the fourth title in 28 years. I was honored to be part of the 2015 and the 2019 teams. History was also made when both teams, the US and the Netherlands, made it to the final with women head coaches that both went to college in the US. These are the nominees for Best Women's Coach.” Heather said. During the nomination video, Heather holds the envelope in her hand.

“And the award goes to...Jill Ellis, the United States.”

**NOVEMBER 2019**

Heather is on the Chelsea sideline as she is standing next to Emma Hayes as the associate manager, which means she's second in command of the coaching staff, along with the head fitness coach. The whistle is up in her mouth and she crosses her arms then blows the whistle. She releases the whistle and stands in front of the team.

“I want to introduce to you all our newest player. Sam Kerr. I had the honor of playing against her in the NWSL back in the US and internationally. I even took one of her shots to my leg and had the bruise the size of a football on my thigh for three weeks. I want you all to make her feel welcome to the team. We need all the help we can get.” Heather said as Sam is next to her.

“She will not part of the team officially until after Christmas. It's part of the Superleague rules. Tomorrow, we have a match against Manchester United. This is the first time we will face this squad, so I don't want any of you slacking off. We are home for this match. Squad will be announced later today since Emma and I are still deciding the starters. Millie, you're up.” Heather continued and walks away from the team as Millie leads the team cheer. Heather pulls out her phone and reads the text message.

From Kate Markgraf: 

New job offer for you.  
Head Fitness Coach of the USWNT

Heather sighs and puts her phone away.

“When will they learn that I don't want to come back to the team?” Heather asked Karen that night after her girlfriend did her BT Sports show.

“Because Americans are stubborn.” Karen said then looks at her girlfriend as they have dinner.

“I should be mad at that statement, but I'm not.”

“Relax, alright? I don't want you to stress out even more. And why we are going on holiday.”

“That we are.”

**PRESENT DAY**

Heather is on the London Eye with Karen for a date night and she tenderly kisses her girlfriend's head after coaching Chelsea to the 3-1 victory over Aston Villa.

“Do you miss playing?” Karen asked.

“I do, but I love retirement life as well because it means I get to be with you.” Heather said as she is standing behind her girlfriend with her hands on the railing on either side of Karen.

“But I will be covering the Olympics for ESPN, which means we get to go to Tokyo.” Heather said then kisses her temple. Karen turns around and looks at her girlfriend, seeing the twinkle in her eyes that she hasn't seen since the day they met a few years ago.

“What?” Heather asked as she looks at her girlfriend.

“I haven't seen you this happy.” Karen said softly.

“I'm happy because I'm with you.” Heather leans down slightly and kisses her tenderly.

**TOKYO OLYMPICS**

“Ok, Tokyo is amazing.” Karen said as she and Heather are having dinner in their hotel room that overlooks the city.

“What are you covering tomorrow for BBC?” Heather asked as she takes a bite of her chicken. Karen looks at her schedule.

“Football then I'm free tomorrow night. You?”

“A check in back in the US with Julie beside me to go over events that happened and that night, free.”

The following night at sunset, Heather looks at Karen and takes a picture of her girlfriend with the sunset in the background then posts the picture online. Karen looks at her phone and chuckles. She turns around and she covers her mouth with her hands when she sees Heather on one knee.

“Will you marry me?” Heather asked.

“Yes.” Karen said. Heather slides the ring onto Karen's left ring finger, stands up and kisses her. For the first time since Heather can remember, she didn't feel worthless. Not when she has Karen beside her.


End file.
